On Names or In the Beginning was the Word Contents, Table Of Apology Knee Play 1 Being an Introduction of Sorts Poem 1 Being a familiar Poem Play, Knee 2 A further contemplation on KNames Text Quotation 1 A Quotation that Should Be Familiar Third Knee Play Another bit of Knonsense from That Jefu Guy on the subject of Knames in Computing RFC 2100 Being a Technical Memo A Request For Comments (RFC) And an Internet Tradition Jeu De Genou Knumero Quatre Poem 2 Another Familiar Poem Knee Play 5 On Objectionable Knames, Or Knames that are Objected to, Or Maybe Knumbers will do Poem 3 Another Familiar Poem Knee Play 6 Poem 4 The Final Poem (not as in "Heat Death of the Universe" Final. Just the one that Wraps this Knonsense Up) <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Apology [0] <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> Longer than any sane person should have to read. But more than half is pomes from others - some familiar, some less so. By the way, Why Knee Play? And just to keep you (at least minimally) interested there are some things in here that should be fun, interesting, or even, depending on taste, annoying. Also, while I could have (and contemplated) HTML'ifying this for easier reading, I decided I would follow the usual academical (and especially deconstructionist) policy of making things as unreadable as possible, especially whenn it increases the word count, the page count and the triviality of the LPU. By the way, it just seemed Right to use Kn everywhere, following in the footsteps of "You silly Knights" [17], and Donald E Knuth (pronounced k-nuth) and of the House of Leaves. <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Knee Play 1 <-> <-> Being an Introduction Of Sorts [1] <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> In my considerations of semiotics, deconstruction and the like, I've come to consider the place Knames play in Reality and even Knot Reality. (Knotice this is Knot a pun on the Knotion of string theory.) This bit of Knonsense then is an essay on Knames, Knaming and things Knamed. Interspersed with a Pome or Two plus Three. For your relaxation. (Appropriately read on a wide front porch with a Knice Gin and Tonic or similar liquid refreshment.) Knames are Important. Sometimes it seems, more that That Which is Knamed. In magic there is the notion that if you know the real Kname for an object, you have power over that object. People often spend quite a bit of time picking the right Kname for baby [18] (sometimes yet to come, sometimes already present). Companies spend quite a bit of time picking Knames for products. People fight over Knames for buildings, mountains, cities, rivers, parks, teams, and pretty much everything that can be Knamed (and some things that can not be Knamed). <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Poem 1 <-> <-> Being a Familiar[2] Poem [3] <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> The Naming of Cats The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter, It isn't just one of your holiday games; You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter When I tell you, a cat must have three different names. First of all, there's the name that the family use daily, Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James, Such as Victor or Jonathon, George or Bill Bailey- All of them sensible everyday names. There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter, Some for gentlemen, some for the dames: Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter- But all of them sensible everyday names. But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular, A name that's peculiar, and more dignified, Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular, Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride? Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum, Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat, Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum- Names that never belong to more than one cat. But above and beyond there's still one name left over, And that is the name that you never will guess; The name that no human research can discover- But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess. When you notice a cat in profound meditation, The reason, I tell you, is always the same: His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name: His ineffable effable Effanineffable Deep and inscrutable singular Name. -T. S. ELIOT- <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Knee Play 2 <-> <-> A Further Contemplation on Knames <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> Names have always been important in literature and in some literature names have been either essential to the work, or a major theme (however unnoted by the majority of readers). Some famous works (mostly in the English Language) with names or naming as an important theme include Tristram Shandy - Lawrence Sterne In which the selection of a name for a newborn is one of the Three horrible catastrophes that he encounters. Another being his nose and the third (an accidental circumcision by a window) being too personal to be mentioned here. Also, there is a long digression on Names and an interesting note on Noses - in which Nose may or may not be used as a semiotic sign for a signified not normally signified by that signifier. Bleak House - Charles Dickens Names are important in most of Dickens' mature works - consider "Pip" (and Magwich) in "Great Expectorations" [14], the various names assigned in "Our Mutual Fiend" (where names are almost as important as in "Bleak House" <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Text Quotation 1 <-> <-> A Quotation that Should Be Familiar[5] <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> [To which, adding a pome, that occured in the original text seemed unavoidable. jf [6][7][8]] From Alice Through the Looking Glass You are sad,' the Knight said in an anxious tone: `let me sing you a song to comfort you.' `You are sad,' the Knight said in an anxious tone: `let me `Is it very long?' Alice asked, for she had heard a good deal of poetry that day. `It's long,' said the Knight, `but very, VERY beautiful. Everybody that hears me sing it -- either it brings the TEARS into their eyes, or else -- ' `Or else what?' said Alice, for the Knight had made a sudden pause. `Or else it doesn't, you know. The name of the song is called "HADDOCKS' EYES."' `Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?' Alice said, trying to feel interested. `No, you don't understand,' the Knight said, looking a little vexed. `That's what the name is CALLED. The name really IS "THE AGED AGED MAN."' `Then I ought to have said "That's what the SONG is called"?' Alice corrected herself. `No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing! The SONG is called "WAYS AND MEANS": but that's only what it's CALLED, you know!' `Well, what IS the song, then?' said Alice, who was by this time completely bewildered. `I was coming to that,' the Knight said. `The song really IS "A-SITTING ON A GATE": and the tune's my own invention.' So saying, he stopped his horse and let the reins fall on its neck: then, slowly beating time with one hand, and with a faint smile lighting up his gentle foolish face, as if he enjoyed the music of his song, he began. Of all the strange things that Alice saw in her journey Through The Looking-Glass, this was the one that she always remembered most clearly. Years afterwards she could bring the whole scene back again, as if it had been only yesterday -- the mild blue eyes and kindly smile of the Knight -- the setting sun gleaming through his hair, and shining on his armour in a blaze of light that quite dazzled her -- the horse quietly moving about, with the reins hanging loose on his neck, cropping the grass at her feet -- and the black shadows of the forest behind -- all this she took in like a picture, as, with one hand shading her eyes, she leant against a green, watching the strange pair, and listening, in a half dream, to the melancholy music of the song. `But the tune ISN'T his own invention,' she said to herself: `it's "I GIVE THEE ALL, I CAN NO MORE."' She stood and listened very attentively, but no tears came into her eyes. `I'll tell thee everything I can; There's little to relate. I saw an aged aged man, A-sitting on a gate. "Who are you, aged man?' I said. "and how is it you live?" And his answer trickled through my head Like water through a sieve. He said "I look for butterflies That sleep among the wheat: I make them into mutton-pies, And sell them in the street. I sell them unto men,' he said, "Who sail on stormy seas; And that's the way I get my bread -- A trifle, if you please." But I was thinking of a plan To dye one's whiskers green, And always use so large a fan That they could not be seen. So, having no reply to give To what the old man said, I cried, "Come, tell me how you live!" And thumped him on the head. His accents mild took up the tale: He said "I go my ways, And when I find a mountain-rill, I set it in a blaze; And thence they make a stuff they call Rolands' Macassar Oil -- Yet twopence-halfpenny is all They give me for my toil." But I was thinking of a way To feed oneself on batter, And so go on from day to day Getting a little fatter. I shook him well from side to side, Until his face was blue: "Come, tell me how you live," I cried, "And what it is you do!" He said "I hunt for haddocks' eyes Among the heather bright, And work them into waistcoat-buttons In the silent night. And these I do not sell for gold Or coin of silvery shine But for a copper halfpenny, And that will purchase nine. "I sometimes dig for buttered rolls, Or set limed twigs for crabs; I sometimes search the grassy knolls For wheels of Hansom-cabs. And that's the way" (he gave a wink) "By which I get my wealth -- And very gladly will I drink Your Honour's noble health." I heard him then, for I had just Completed my design To keep the Menai bridge from rust By boiling it in wine. I thanked much for telling me The way he got his wealth, But chiefly for his wish that he Might drink my noble health. And now, if e'er by chance I put My fingers into glue Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot Into a left-hand shoe, Or if I drop upon my toe A very heavy weight, I weep, for it reminds me so, Of that old man I used to know -- Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow, Whose hair was whiter than the snow, Whose face was very like a crow, With eyes, like cinders, all aglow, Who seemed distracted with his woe, Who rocked his body to and fro, And muttered mumblingly and low, As if his mouth were full of dough, Who snorted like a buffalo -- That summer evening, long ago, A-sitting on a gate.' <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Third Knee Play <-> <-> On Knames in Computing <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> RFC 2100 <-> <-> Being a Technical Memo <-> <-> A Request For Comments (RFC) <-> <-> And an Internet Tradition <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> [Knote that footnotes in this Quotation are internal and do Knot refer to footnotes for this document as a whole. jf [6][7][8] (Hmm, those footnotes above were not covered by the comment jf [6][7][8]]) ((Knor those) - initials omitted to avoid infinite regression) ] Network Working Group J. Ashworth Request for Comments: 2100 Ashworth & Associates Category: Informational 1 April 1997 The Naming of Hosts Status of this Memo This memo provides information for the Internet community. This memo does not specify an Internet standard of any kind. Distribution of this memo is unlimited. Introduction This RFC is a commentary on the difficulty of deciding upon an acceptably distinctive hostname for one's computer, a problem which grows in direct proportion to the logarithmically increasing size of the Internet. Distribution of this memo is unlimited. Except to TS Eliot. And, for that matter, to David Addison, who hates iambic pentameter. Poetry The Naming of Hosts is a difficult matter, It isn't just one of your holiday games; You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter When I tell you, a host must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES. First of all, there's the name that the users use daily, Such as venus, athena, and cisco, and ames, Such as titan or sirius, hobbes or europa-- All of them sensible everyday names. There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter, Some for the web pages, some for the flames: Such as mercury, phoenix, orion, and charon-- But all of them sensible everyday names. But I tell you, a host needs a name that's particular, A name that's peculiar, and more dignified, Else how can it keep its home page perpendicular, And spread out its data, send pages world wide? Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum, Like lothlorien, pothole, or kobyashi-maru, Such as pearly-gates.vatican, or else diplomatic- Names that never belong to more than one host. But above and beyond there's still one name left over, And that is the name that you never will guess; The name that no human research can discover-- But THE NAMESERVER KNOWS, and will us'ually confess. When you notice a client in rapt meditation, The reason, I tell you, is always the same: The code is engaged in a deep consultation On the address, the address, the address of its name: It's ineffable, effable, Effanineffable, Deep and inscrutable, singular Name. Credits Thanks to Don Libes, Mark Lottor, and a host of twisted individuals^W^Wcreative sysadmins for providing source material for this memo, to Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Cameron Mackintosh, and a cast of thousands (particularly including Terrance Mann) who drew my attention to the necessity, and of course, to Thomas Stearns Eliot, for making this all necessary. References [1] Libes, D., "Choosing a Name for Your Computer", Communications of the ACM, Vol. 32, No. 11, Pg. 1289, November 1989. [2] Lottor, M. et al., "Domain Name Survey, Jan 1997", namedroppers@internic.net [3] Wong, M. et. al., "Cool Hostnames", http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~mengwong/coolhosts.html [4] Stearns, TS, _Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats_. Security Considerations Security issues are not discussed in this memo. Particularly the cardiac security of certain famous poets. [Footnotes from here now refer to document footnotes, not quoted footnotes.] <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Poem 2 <-> <-> Another Familiar Poem <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> American Names by Stephen Vincent Benet I have fallen in love with American names, The sharp names that never get fat, The snakeskin-titles of mining-claims, The plumed war-bonnet of Medicine Hat, Tucson and Deadwood and Lost Mule Flat. Seine and Piave are silver spoons, But the spoonbowl-metal is thin and worn, There are English counties like hunting-tunes Played on the keys of a postboy's horn, But I will remember where I was born. I will remember Carquinez Straits, Little French Lick and Lundy's Lane, The Yankee ships and the Yankee dates And the bullet-towns of Calamity Jane. I will remember Skunktown Plain. I will fall in love with a Salem tree And a rawhide quirt from Santa Cruz, I will get me a bottle of Boston sea And a blue-gum nigger to sing me blues. I am tired of loving a foreign muse. Rue des Martyrs and Bleeding-Heart-Yard, Senlis, Pisa, and Blindman's Oast, It is a magic ghost you guard But I am sick for a newer ghost, Harrisburg, Spartanburg, Painted Post. Henry and John were never so And Henry and John were always right? Granted, but when it was time to go And the tea and the laurels had stood all night, Did they never watch for Nantucket Light? I shall not rest quiet in Montparnasse. I shall not lie easy at Winchelsea. You may bury my body in Sussex grass, You may bury my tongue at Champmedy. I shall not be there. I shall rise and pass. Bury my heart at Wounded Knee. <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Poem 4 <-> <-> Another Familiar Poem <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> Naming of Parts by Henry Reed Today we have naming of parts. Yesterday, We had daily cleaning. And tomorrow morning, We shall have what to do after firing. But today, Today we have naming of parts. Japonica Glistens like coral in all of the neighboring gardens, And today we have naming of parts. This is the lower sling swivel. And this Is the upper sling swivel, whose use you will see, When you are given your slings. And this is the piling swivel, Which in your case you have not got. The branches Hold in the gardens their silent, eloquent gestures, Which in our case we have not got. This is the safety-catch, which is always released With an easy flick of the thumb. And please do not let me See anyone using his finger. You can do it quite easy If you have any strength in your thumb. The blossoms Are fragile and motionless, never letting anyone see Any of them using their finger. And this you can see is the bolt. The purpose of this Is to open the breech, as you see. We can slide it Rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this Easing the spring. And rapidly backwards and forwards The early bees are assaulting and fumbling the flowers: They call it easing the Spring. They call it easing the Spring: it is perfectly easy If you have any strength in your thumb: like the bolt, And the breech, and the cocking-piece, and the point of balance, Which in our case we have not got; and the almond-blossom Silent in all of the gardens and the bees going backwards and forwards, For today we have naming of parts. <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Poem 4 <-> <-> We're coming to an End <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> Stephen Crane XXXVI [10] I met a seer. He held in his hands The book of wisdom. "Sir," I addressed him, "Let me read." "Child -- " he began. "Sir," I said, "Think not that I am a child, For already I know much Of that which you hold. Aye, much." He smiled. Then he opened the book And held it before me. -- Strange that I should have grown so suddenly blind. <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> <-> Knotes of the Foot <-> <-> toKens? (to Anagram inappropriately) <-> <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> [0] Or Appy Polly Logy [1] Or "Out Of Sorts" [2] Not in the WalpurgisKnacht sense [3] Probably unfamiliar[4] for those of the English teaching Persuasion (a perversity with a True Kname so Awful, that it can only be hinted at) [4] Since it seems Knormal for those of this Persuasion (probably akin to Cthulu) to determine the knowledge and abilities of those in discplines of which they know Knothing, it seems only reasonable to return the favor. [5] See [3] [6] jf are the initials of JayFoo, a Kname used when jefu is previously allocated. see [7] [7] jf are the initials of JeighFough (eigh as in weigh and ough as in through). see[6] [8] I'd also have included the following if this had Knot already been too long. There was one who was famed for the number of things He forgot when he entered the ship: His umbrella, his watch, all his jewels and rings, And the clothes he had bought for the trip. He had forty-two boxes, all carefully packed, With his name painted clearly on each: But, since he omitted to mention the fact, They were all left behind on the beach. The loss of his clothes hardly mattered, because He had seven coats on when he came, With three pair of boots--but the worst of it was, He had wholly forgotten his name. He would answer to "Hi!" or to any loud cry, Such as "Fry me!" or "Fritter my wig!" To "What-you-may-call-um!" or "What-was-his-name!" But especially "Thing-um-a-jig!" While, for those who preferred a more forcible word, He had different names from these: His intimate friends called him "Candle-ends", And his enemies "Toasted-cheese". ----------------------------- "What's the good of Mercator's North Poles and Equators, Tropics, Zones, and Meridian Lines?" So the Bellman would cry: and the crew would reply "They are merely conventional signs! "Other maps are such shapes, with their islands and capes! But we've got our brave Captain to thank" (So the crew would protest) "that he's bought us the best-- A perfect and absolute blank!" [9] [9] I will politely avoid any mention of Provosts that were and their Strategic Plans. [11] [10] Little or Knothing to Do with Knames, but I like Stephen Crane's poems. [11] Or Knot. Such temptation. Such a good (but easy) target. [12] [12] Kno. I will resist [9]. My Knobility at doing such will undoubtedly be appreciated by the Wise. And the Bored. [13] "Friend" [14] [14] I find spelling one of Those Things. That should be "Expectations" Yet another Naming catastrophe. [17] Pronounced kinigits as the French pronounced it while taunting King Arthur and his band. [18] "Baby's Knamed a Bad Bad Thing" http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html Sigh, being in a Poetical Mood, I cannot resist a footnote to end all footnotes. [The Ordinal Omega] [The Ordinal Omega [The Ordinal Omega + 1]] "Miss Otis Regrets" Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today, Madam Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today She is sorry to be delayed, But last evening down in lovers lane she strayed Madam, Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today When she woke up and found her dream of love was gone, Madam She went to the man who had led her so far astray And from her velvet gown she drew a gun and shot her lover down Madam, Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today When the mob came and got her and dragged her from the jail, Madam They strung her up on the old willow across the way And the moment before she died, she lifted up her lovely head and cried Madam, Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today, Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today. [The Ordinal Omega + 1] I am the Alpha and the Omega.